Lord of the Rings Character Rants
by MsPadfoot17
Summary: Characters of Lord of the Rings rant about things they have a problem with. (be ye warned its not very long - but please read!)
1. Default Chapter

Character Rants- Lord of the Rings

**Gandalf**

All authors take notes....

I may be old but even this old wizard has some needs! How about more stories with me being the dashing hero who saves the day and gets the girl! I can be romantic! I can be courageous and perform death defying feats ... after I go to my chiropractor on Tuesdays!

**Legolas**

I am tired of being portrayed as a narcissus! I do not brush my hair 100 times a day or prance around the forests of Mirkwood! And there is nothing I repeat nothing going on between me and that...dwarf! So stop pairing me up with HIM! My love belongs to another! And contrary to popular belief I am not a gentle spirit! If you ever mess with my bow be prepared to have your head on a spit!

**Aragorn**

For the record, I had a nice, peaceful youth. There were no elflings around Rivendell to torment me about my ears or my non graceful ways...unless you count the twins. And I wish that you authors would stop getting me into life or death situations. I swear it's a warg attack one hour, followed by a tumble off a cliff then some poison that harms humans worse than elves, followed by earthquakes and blizzards. My health insurance doesn't cover all this!


	2. character rants 2

**Elrond**

Let me end a topic that has been discussed ever since Lord of the Rings first came out: The reason that I did not destory the ring myself was that it clashed with my wardrobe. Really, is that so hard to understand? I had a certain reputation to uphold! If I had been seen by anyone while in possession of the One Ring, even for a_ second _than I would have been on **What Not To Wear **quicker than you could say Isilduir's heir! On a sidenote- exactly what is wrong with my eyebrows! They add a certain.... noble _presence_ to my fair, youthful features!

**Arwen**

Please, it is not my fault that I took Glorfindel's part in the movie! The blame lies on him alone! If that arrogant Bolrag slayer hadn't got thrown from his horse all would have been well! And please, no more hate mail from all you Aragorn fan girls! Its high time you realize that he is **_MINE!_** **MINE MINE MINE! **

**Boromir**

I have but one question: Why do you authors kill me off again and again and again? Isn't dying once bad enough? Can't you go pluck Theodan from his grave more often instead of me? Can't a guy have a little peace and quiet once he's died? Hm?

**Elladen **

All I have to say is this: I am the eldest!

**Elrohir**

I am the oldest! Do not listen to what 'Dan says! And I am of course, the better looking!

**Elladen**

I believe dear brother that you mistook yourself for me! For as everyone knows, my beauty is above all of the eldar! Even Galadriel and the fair Evenstar!

**Haldir**

I was not meant to die. My ending was far too abrupt as well! Who would believe that the marchwarden of Lothlorien would be taken down by a lucky blow from an orc! And where was that ranger! Where was he when I needed aid! No doubt he was constructing love ballads to his beloved Arwen!

**Aragorn**

I was not! I was rushing to your aid!

**Haldir**

To my aid were you? Well, you sure did a lovely job of aiding me! Or am I just imagining this ax in my back?!

**Aragorn**

Well, at least I tried

**Haldir **

Obviously not hard enough! Hmph!

Thank you to all who have reviewed so far! Which at this point is; ElvenMaidenHobbitGirl and Silver Sniper! I thank you for all your kind reviews! This was my first submission to , and was a bit of my guinea pig! I hope to have some of my more detailed stories up soon! I will try to update this soon, I just have to think of who else needs a good rant!


	3. a father and son discussion

**Denethor**

Does something smell like burnt pork in here? Ah well. It's probably just me. Faramir! Make yourself useful and go get me some air freshner! Now!

**Faramir**

Why must you treat me this way father? Can you not show me the same respect as you did Boromir?

**Denethor**

Speak not his name! You are too unworthy for my beloved son's name to pass your lips

**Faramir**

He always has been your favorite son! Boromir, Boromir Boromir! I have heard enough of his name to last me a lifetime! It is bad enough to have a name that sounds like his!

**Denethor**

Oh don't have a hissy fit. He's the only brother you'll ever have. So deal with the fact that you can never compare with him!

**Faramir**

I can find a different family! In fact its high time that I do! Farewell my former _father! _

**Denethor**

Faramir.....before you go.....

**Faramir**

Yes?

**Denethor**

Fetch me my airfreshner.

_I know! Its horribly short! Please forgive me! I plan to have another chapter up tomorrow. A longer chapter! Of course, I suppose they're not really chapters..... ah well! It's better for me not to think at the moment! _

_Legolas: When do you ever think?_

_Aragorn: Does she even have her own brain?_

_James Norrington: She's got to be the worst author I have ever seen! _

_Legolas: Why are you here? Don't you have your own fanfictions to be in? _

_Norrington: Yes well, ever since I managed to lose the Interceptor ...well, its best we not talk about it. _

_Anyway, to my reviewers I love you all! Thank you so much for taking some time out to review my story! It means so much to me! I find myself becoming a review glutton! Its so satisfying to realize people out there really enjoy my writing! _

_ElvenMaidenHobbitGirl- Legolas is the prime example of a true man...er, **elf male**! You can't get more masculine than him! I'm glad someone out there agrees with me! _

_Silver Sniper- I do plan to write more! I will draw this out as long as its humanly possible! _

_Jennifer57- I'm glad there's someone out there who enjoys my humor other than me! Thanks for the review! _

_Earwen of the Elves- Of course I don't mind! Take your idea and run with it as far as you can with my blessing! I can't wait to read whatever you come up with! _

_Spiritstllionofthecimarro- thank you for your suggestion! I hope you liked Faramir's little mini rant! _


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